Never in a million years did I ever think that at 28 years old I would have to go into the boxing ring for the fight of my life. In an instant, my life changed. On Monday, August 29th, 2005 I received a totally unexpected call from an oncologist whom I had never met. He told me, Robin, we have a bed waiting for you in the oncology unit at the Sutter Medical Center and I want you here as soon as possible so the hematologist can talk to you.  That is all the news I received, and my journey began from there. A few days later, after having a bone marrow biopsy our worst fears were confirmed. I was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML). The doctors wanted to start chemotherapy right away since the acute form of leukemia is an aggressive, rapidly multiplying cancer. We debated on where would be the best place to start my treatment, and a day later I was taking an ambulance ride to Stanford Medical Center to begin my fight. Obviously, one of the hardest things is being so far away from my baby. I miss blowing bubbles with her, singing and rocking her to sleep, watching Sesame Street cuddled up on the couch, and taking her to the carousel at the mall.  But, I know that these are reasons I must stay strong and win my battle. I have been blessed with so much in my life; a wonderful, loving husband, a beautiful, little girl, a supportive family, and hoards of amazing friends. During a time like this, I cannot express how much it means to me to know that people are praying and thinking of me. When I sit alone in my hospital room at night scared of losing my hair, losing my ability to have any more children, or even, at my darkest moments, being fearful of losing my life, I can feel the power of the petitions around the world going up to God and bringing me peace of mind.

I have received many beautiful emails and words of encouragement which I would like to thank everyone for. A particular friend sent me the words to an inspiring hymn which has brought me a lot of comfort and I hope you may feel the words of comfort. The name of the hymn is “Be Still my Soul” and it reads…

“Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
with patience bear thy cross of grief and pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change he faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright as last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: The hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still my soul: When change the tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.”

It is times like this where you realize where all of your priorities should be and your heart ponders the true meaning of life. My hope and prayer is to make it through this so that I can be a better servant to humanity, a more patient wife and mother, and I can help others who will go through similar trials.

Again, as I have stated in a past email, never take life for granted. Take each day and run with it. Look for ways to serve others and actively do it. Enjoy the simple things in life, like eating a delicious chocolate cake with your favorite Haagen-Dazs ice cream, or coming home from work to your bright-eyed children (even if the house is a mess), or simply just being able to use your body to walk, run, and play.

My prayer for both myself and for you comes from psalms which states “When my heart is faint and overwhelmed, lead me to the mighty towering rock of safety.” Also, at this time, my wish is that I can have my family with me as much as possible; it is from them that I receive so much of my encouragement and support. If there is one thing I have learned the past few days, here in the hospital, is that the blessings in life come back to you two fold when you try to help others. Any assistance at all would be greatly appreciated. And, like I mentioned earlier, the cards, phone calls, and emails have been priceless.

Live strong, have hope, I love you all,

Robin Groff